Mom dating

Motherhood can be so isolating. Sometimes you feel like you are completely inventing it one day at a time. I need other moms to talk to on a regular basis. It helps remind me that I'm not the only one in the world trying to make it work.

I was nervous about starting a family at this time in my life because I didn't have many friends with kids. I joined a lot of prenatal classes -- yoga, aqua aerobics, etc. -- in part so that I could meet other women about to have babies. And while I met some nice women, I wasn't able to keep in touch with any of them. The problem with these classes is that women tend to drop out of them suddenly when they give birth, and there's no way to keep in touch at that point. I actually tracked one lady down on Facebook and sent her a message ("Hey, remember me? We swam together!"). She never replied. Ouch.

After Dylan was born, I checked out several new mom groups. I went to a caesarian support group, and it really helped me process my sadness and anger about Dylan's birth. I felt like a weight had been lifted afterwards. But I didn't make any friends.

My lactation consultant invited me to join her weekly breastfeeding support group, and I have enjoyed that group as well. She is a great faciliatator, and I know I will get good advice there. However, I've had a hard time relating to the other moms in that group. Most of them have "supply problems" and they had a hard time empathizing with my issues.

Me: "I can't find good enough breast pads! I wake up every morning just soaked!"
Them: *crickets*

Plus, frankly, they were kind of a bunch of downers. I mean, legitimately so, but they weren't what I'd call a "fun" group. And many of them seemed to have jerk husbands. Sorry, my man is nice to me, doesn't blame me when the baby cries, and actually volunteers to take care of him regularly. I guess I'm just lucky. That, and when I married him, I thought, "Hey, he might make a good father." I like to plan ahead that way.

So when I went to the new parent group at New Seasons, I didn't expect much. In fact, I put it off for a long time. But I'm so glad I went, because I immediately met moms who I actually want to hang out with. I couldn't believe it when they asked me to lunch the first week I met them. They have babies who are just a couple weeks younger than Dylan. They are smart (read: "nerds"). They believe in all the natural, hippie stuff, but aren't above drinking a beer at lunch. They are sarcastic, but care deeply about raising kids who are contientious members of society. As one of them put it "I would be friends with these ladies even if we didn't have kids."

We've kind of stopped going to the official group -- we'll leave that to the newer moms. Now we're just meeting for lunch on our own, and it's great. I felt so rejuvenated after lunch with them today, I had the energy to do laundry and weed the garden afterwards. It just put me in a good mood for the rest of the day.

I know another mom, with an older kid, who talked about "mom dating". It's hard to meet other moms to be friends with, and you find yourself cruising playgrounds like it's happy hour. My own mom met a good friend that she had for years because the woman ran out of her house screaming "Another mommy with little kids! Come in! Come in!" when my mom happened to walk by with us. To paraphrase Three Six Mafia: It's hard out there for a mommy. So it's a good feeling to know that I'm not alone in the world of mommyhood. I have allies. I have people who will pull me back from the ledge. I have friends.