I heart breastfeeding

I really do. The cynical side of me says it's just the oxytocin talking, but hormone rush or not, I just love it. It's so snuggly and it makes him so happy, which makes me happy.

I feel like being able to connect with Dylan in this way is really helpful in my process of healing from our birth experience. It feels so good to know that we're doing this natural, wonderful thing for him. After feeling like a little bit of a failure as woman for having to get a c-section, it is truly affirming to my womanhood that I can breastfeed my child.

Not breastfeeding was not an option for me. I am so grateful to the wonderful nurses that started pumping me right away after birth, before I was lucid enough to figure out why. And being able to pump breast milk and send it down to the NICU was the one thing I could do that made me feel like a had a little bit of control in the hospital. As soon as I realized they were feeding him formula, something in me galvanized and I started pumping every 3 hours. As it turns out, I am a prolific producer, and even the nurses were amazed that I was sending down 3 ounces or more that often. And I would go down to the NICU as often as I could to breastfeed him, just to let him practice sucking for a while, even if we had to bottle feed him my milk afterwards.

When we got home, breastfeeding proved to be incredibly painful, and he still had trouble latching on. Turns out a tight frenulum was to blame, so we decided to have it snipped. I had another epiphany moment as a mom as I held his arms down snug so the doctor could perform the procedure. It was so hard to hold him down and subject him to such pain, but I knew that he needed me to be strong and there for him in that moment, because I am his mom, and no one else can be that for him. Of course, he barely cried at all, and when we nursed afterwards, he had an easier time right away.

Now, breastfeeding is a breeze. It's only mildly uncomfortable at times, and he can latch on without my help from nearly any angle. I've even fed him while walking around the house, carrying him in the Moby wrap! And while the time will come when he needs to self-soothe at bedtime, right now I am more than happy to nurse him to sleep every night.